Midgame
1. Ok, she’s attracted, now what?
2. After qualifying her, what do we talk about?
3. How do I get her number?
4. How long do I need to talk to her before getting her number?
5. When do I call her? What do I say?
6. How do I prevent flaking?
7. The girl cancelled our plans, what do I do?
8. Where do I take her on a date?
9. Do I pay?
10. What tips can you give on having a good date.
1. Ok, she’s attracted, now what?
Glad you’re realizing this. The quickest route to getting a girl to fall for you
is to make her want and reach and chase for you. The method for this is called
Push-Pull. This is when you “push” a girl away from you by explaining why you
two wouldn’t get along, and disqualifying yourself, and then “pull” her back by
saying something really complimentary about her and how much you love her, then
push her back again. This really works as a constant cycle. It makes her chase,
you get her hopes up, then you make her chase again. Say something like “You and
I wouldn’t get along, we’re too similar. I wouldn’t take your shit and you
wouldn’t take my shit… Wait… Can you cook? Oh yeah I’m keeping you! ... Wait you
can’t make lasagna? It’s over, we’re broken up, I want my t-shirt back.”
The undisputed master of Push-Pull is a man named
Swinggcat.
Many pick-up trainers make the claim they can get girls to chase after you, but
only Swinggcat delivers the goods completely on it. He has an
e-book out. You also may be able to go for the kiss at this point.
To know how/when to get make outs at bars, click here.
2. After qualifying her, what do we talk about?
At this point, you want to make her think she’s earned your attention, so it is
now perfectly ok to give her a legitimate compliment on something besides her
looks. You can even throw in “You know I wasn’t sure about you before, but now
that I know you ______, you seem pretty alright.”
Swinggcat has
written at length about this. It’s called the qualification phase where you make
it clear that it wasn’t her looks that got you, but something about her
personality, her leadership capabilities, her social grace, the fact that she
likes Bob Marley; anything arbitrary will work.
3. How do I get her number?
There are several views on this.
The one that is gaining most popularity is instead of asking for her number,
suggesting something cool for the two of you to do the next day or the following
week. Something cool like singing karaoke or feeding the sea lions in the cove.
You don’t actually have to do the said plan once you call her. It just gets her
to feel excited as she plans an adventure with you.
That being said, the more you’ve talked to her, and the tighter your sarge, the
more you can get away with and not have to stick to protocol. Sometimes you
don’t have enough time to plan an adventure as her friends are dragging her
away. You just have to say “We should chill sometime, let me get your number,”
I’ve had a girl yell her number to me while her friends are literally yanking
her across the room away from me. You need to strike when you can.
You should not be thinking of ways of sneakily getting the girl to give you her
number or ways to convince her to. If you’re run the set properly, there’s no
reason why she wouldn’t, assuming she’s single. If she offers to take your
number instead, give a friendly rebuttal like: “Hey, I just met you, I can’t
give you my number! What if you turn out to be a stalker and call me all the
time.” If she still won’t, just smile and say it was a pleasure to meet her.
Don’t give your number if she doesn’t give hers. She won’t call, and you’re
better off keeping your frame. No girl would refuse a number of a guy she wants
to see again, then call him afterwards. David DeAngelo has a practice of getting
emails and it works really well for him. See his
book for details
4. How long do I need to talk to her before getting her number?
Ideally for a number to be solid, you should have gamed her at least 20 minutes.
This is not to say you should not get the number if you haven’t talked to her
that long. It’s worth it to go for it even for the field experience alone. You
don’t want to go for the number because you have nothing left to say to her.
When that happens, it’s obvious to her, at least on a subconscious level, that
you do not have a wide rapport with her, and that you’ll have little to talk
about if you meet again.
That being said, I’ve gotten a girl’s number after 30 seconds and have had it be
solid. The rules are not rules. If you feel it’s right, go for it. Only constant
field experience will let you develop your intuition to know when it’s right.
There’s an intuition for number closing, and an intuition for kissing too
(knowing when she’s up for it.)
In general, just recognize that the number is not of any significance itself. If
I’m a salesman, I can go and pressure 100 people door to door to buy magazine
subscriptions, but if most of them cancel the next day, what have I
accomplished? Focus on building attraction and building a connection, not on
getting a number.
Also, stick around after getting the number. If you bolt after you get it,
she’ll feel weird. If you hang around at least 10 minutes after getting it
she’ll be convinced your connection is solid.
5. When do I call her? What do I say?
The time most girls pick up the phone is 10am and 1pm on Sunday. If you get the
number on Monday though, don’t wait a week! 1 to 2 days is good. It’s not
desperate if you call them the next day. Some PUA’s even advise calling later
that night when you’ve bounced to another club or are on your way home. Don’t be
so quick to schedule a date as soon as you get on the phone with her. Talk,
vibe, tell a story. If she was someone you knew already, would your conversation
be so short and to the point? You can even go a couple phone conversations
without scheduling a meeting. Text messaging is a good comfort builder too. If
you’re the person she texts when she’s bored at work, that puts you in the right
place.
If things are going good the first time you call her, arrange for that meeting.
Don’t say “Would you like to…?” Just say “We should go ____ tomorrow” or “Hey,
let’s _____”
6. How do I prevent flaking?
Preventing flaking is all in the preparation. Just like there’s little you can
do after a sale presentation to keep a customer from returning an item, there’s
little you can do after the first night you meet to prevent flaking.
The biggest thing you can do is have wide rapport over deep rapport.
Deep Rapport is when you two talk at length about a certain topic. For example,
if she’s a musician, and you were a music major in college, you might talk about
classical music and what it means to the two of you, and how thrilled you feel
at a good concert. It can get deep. However, once you leave, she’s thinking
“Well we talked about music a lot, but do we have anything else in common? If I
see him again will it just be an awkward silence? Maybe I should just screen my
calls until he stops calling”
Wide Rapport means you can vibe about anything. If you have wide rapport with
someone, you can call them with absolutely nothing to say and there will be no
gaps in conversation. You can talk about laundry, sports you don’t watch, and
grocery stores, and still not get bored. This is how you are with your close
friends. This is why it’s not as important to develop deep discussion skills as
light fluff talk skills. Girls fear an awkward silence more than certain death,
so if you can give her the confidence there won’t be any of that when she’s with
you, she won’t flake.
If a girl is flaky and still never can come out to see you, keep calling and
practice your phone game. You can tell her stories, try out new routines, etc.
7. The girl cancelled our plans, what do I do?
The answer to this question has evolved over time in the pickup community.
Originally it was thought that flaking on plans was a disrespectful move that
absolutely cannot be tolerated. This infraction was met with harsh chastising,
telling the girl that she cannot treat you this way and expect you to take it.
That method didn’t work that well.
What you want to do is convey to her that it’s no big deal. What would Brad Pitt
do if a girl cancelled on him? What would a guy do who knew he could have new
girl every night of the week if he wanted? He would say “Ok, cool. Talk to you
later,” then call up another girl and have a wonderful time with her instead. If
a girl is not together enough to give you decent notice before canceling, then
you chastising her won’t make a difference in her sense of morality and values
either. You can even say “That’s cool, I’ll hang with someone else,” cheerfully.
If you say that line make sure you just sound relaxed about it and not like
you’re trying to make her jealous. You must be congruent with it, and only do
this if it’s your first planned date, not if you’ve been out with her 4 times.
If she tries to reschedule, that is a good sign, and under most circumstances, I
would take the offer. If she cancels last minute and doesn’t offer to
reschedule, as far as I’m concerned, she doesn’t have her shit together and
she’s deleted from my phone. I’m not mad at her, it’s just a cold, calculated
decision that she’s not worth my time.
While there can be valid excuses for canceling last minute, most of the time,
they’re pure hogwash. What we’ve found is women on the East Coast tend to be
very creative with excuses, while women on the West Coast tend to honestly give
you pathetic reasons why they’re canceling. Either way your response is the
same. You have to think “Is she really worth my time?” It’s easier to go out and
find a new girl that very night than to transform a flake into someone who
values your time.
8. Where do I take her on a date?
2 important things: CHEAP and CLOSE.
You will be taking a lot of girls on dates or Day 2’s, so you need to have a
steady plan that will let you take out many without breaking your wallet.
Ideally, you should have a place to go to that is within walking distance from
your house. A coffee shop is fine, but it helps to have something else going for
it. Oversell the shop, saying how cool it is. The more places you can move with
her on the date the better. You can cover far more ground on your date by moving
3 places in an hour than spending and hour and a half in one place.
David DeAngelo has developed the
perfect date strategy. You have meet her at your place, quickly shoo her out and
get heading where you are, maybe stop another place, then have her back where
you live. At this point it’s natural that she might come in, which makes
escalation of intimacy all the more possible.
Also, Lovedrop has a good article on how
to set up dates.
9. Do I pay?
There are varying views on that. Like it or not, you’re going to look like a
cheap bastard if you don’t pay. You can talk of not “supplicating” or having her
in your frame, but the fact is your date will go so much smoother if you pay for
the darn drink. This is not to say you should be taking her to a lavish dinner
or expensive lounge. It should be cheap enough that you covering it won’t hurt
your wallet at all.
She may offer to cover the next round of whatever you get. For example, if you
pay for the coffee, if you stop by a pool hall after, she may offer to buy you a
drink. Let her.
10. What tips can you give on having a good date.
First of all, you must lead. Make all arbitrary decisions: where to sit, when to
move, what to do next. If you let her lead, she will lose attraction, whether
she knows it or not. Don’t be afraid to make a decision. If she absolutely hates
where you pick to set, she’ll probably let you know and then you can move. But
it is not out of reason for her to sit down somewhere first, and then for you to
say, “Let’s sit over there,” and move to a different spot of the
coffee-shop/restaurant.
Second of all, you must escalate kino (touching). Do this in a friendly way and
get used to touching each other. It may be awkward at first, and frankly, you
may blow a few Day 2’s while you’re learning this, but in the long term, if you
can get comfortable touching a woman, your success will take you much farther
than you could have ever imagined. Next:
Miscellaneous Seduction Questions Back to Main
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